Janaza

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This past Sunday, I attended a janaza prayer [AKA salat-ul-janaza] for the father of one our family doctor's. Janaza prayers are the Islamic funeral prayers.

Now I've attended quite a few funeral prayers. My first memory of attending one, unfortunately, [for a close family member] is back in 2001 for my 15 month old baby girl cousin Aliya. And before today, that was the most packed one I remember attending. The day of Aliya's was also  jummah-tul-wida so the crowd was a combination of family/friends and mere Muslim strangers that happened to be at the mosque for the holiday.

This past Sunday, at the very same mosque, subhanAllah, there was the same large crowd, if not an even larger crowd. All the side rooms, the offices, and the library were packed with people besides the main congregational prayer area, yet there was still not enough room to accommodate everyone-- there were still people outside the mosque.

It hasn't left my mind since.

I had never met the person who passed away. It speaks volumes to me, however, to see the community turnout for this man's funeral prayers. Including several imams from local mosques. It says so much about this man's character and how he must have lived.

We so often let the daily mundanes get the better of us and worry about the frivolous tangible possessions. We focus so much on the now-- the this very moment in our lives. We worry about the past. Janazas are just the very real throw-in-your-face reminder that we all need more often that everyone must die one day. It should make you refocus and think about what is important in your life, and let go of the trivial nonsense. It should make you want to better yourself and your iman [faith].

It's inevitable that we must all die one day. But what do you want to be remembered for? Are you maximizing your good deeds while working on improving yourself in the areas you aren't too happy with? Are you leaving a lasting impression? Is it a good one? Are you making a difference with your life? 

Papa and Me Time

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Family is family and there is nothing like family. One of the hardest things I have had to do in a very long time [if not ever] was to say goodbye and head back home hours away this past Tuesday night after spending a wonderful week by Papa's side.

There is no one better to take care of [your loved one] than a caring and loving family member. One who knows what they like and dislike, one who gets them, one who can comfort them and reason with them.

Of course, it's not easy. And everyone's circumstances are different and you have to do what you have to do. But a stranger can never replace the level of care a family member can provide: because most of all, [your loved one] just wants some good old company. Someone to sit by their side and talk. Or do absolutely nothing. They need to be shown how much they mean to us, that they are loved, taken care of, and an important part of our life!

I am blessed beyond words to have Papa in my life, and I loved every minute of the almost six days I had with him- the "Papa and me" time will always hold a special place in my heart. The last few days of my trip involved a lot of tears from my end, because I couldn't imagine leaving him- what I wouldn't do to be able to stay there longer by his side. My six days revolved completely around Papa, from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep, so you can imagine who weird it felt to be back home and only speak to him via the phone.

Life Lessons

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While you are busy planning for it, life happens. And you just learn to deal with it.

Things I've been reminded about lately:

1. Everything that can possibly go wrong, most likely will. Deal with it. Like the air conditioning deciding to stop working on us with about 80 people in the house on a hot/humid summer day in August. With the oven on constantly all day and burners under the chafing dish[es] running all day. Fun.
2. Cherish the moment. You'll never get it back. Because of Papa's dementia, I have learned very quickly to just stop and savor the moment. As I was sitting with Papa last night , I realized to just sit there by his side and do absolutely nothing else... there is no where I'd rather be when I am lucky enough to have him nearby. Everything else can wait.
3. Family first. Always. Nothing is more important. Period. There's no one else that will always have your back.
4. Eat healthy to live healthy. I found myself in a healthier eating habit I'd say almost a year and some change back and I can honestly say it makes a difference. Lately, often times I've not been home enough for meals or I'd eat something I normally wouldn't... or eat late... and I can tell the difference. When you eat right, it helps you feel better inside and out.
5. Just when you would like need the time to slow down a little is when it seems to speed up even more. Plus throw more chaos into a very hectic schedule already for more fun.
6. If you don't laugh about it, you'll cry about it. Unfortunately, I have cried about it several times in the last few days.
7. This, too, shall pass. For as long as I can remember, I have repeated this to myself on not-so-easy days/times. There are better days ahead.
8. Glass is always half full. It could be oh so much worse. 

Then which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?

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Then which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?

The fact that this verse is repeated 31 times in Surah ar-Rahman [#55]... I don't think that is by accident. It's without a doubt, one of my favorites ayats [verses] from the Qu'ran.

The verse reminds us time and again for the many blessings we take for granted on a daily basis [and to be thankful for them]. Whether it be in terms of money, food, wealth, health... or anything and everything else: tangible and intangible.

If there's anything I've learned through life experiences over the past several years, it's let go and let god. Everything happens for a reason. You just don't know it [yet]. By that, does it mean that you live carelessly and expect greatness? Absolutely not, of course. It means: you live following the right path, and when unexpected hurdles fall your way- you keep faith that this too shall pass.

In the beginning, several times, the inevitable why is this happening to me popped up in my head... but now I am quick to brush that though away if it does occur. Why not me? What makes me better than the next person to make me immune? And there's always that belief that He, the all-knowing, doesn't throw more at you than you can handle.

But this isn't about the hurdles. It's about the blessings [in disguise].

Like I have talked about several times over the course of time, why do we so easily ask "why me?" in difficult times, but not in good times? How often do we truly stop to be thankful for everything we take for granted on a daily basis? Just look around your own circle of network because you won't have to look to far to find an example of someone that has it much worse than you, yet is [probably] handling their circumstance(s) a lot better.

If we truly took the time to count the blessings, we'd realize it's impossible because it would be endless. They are infinite. But we don't. This theme is repeated in various Surahs in the Qu'ran. Several examples:

1. From Surah Ibrahim: "And He gave you from all you asked of Him. And if you should count the favor of Allah , you could not enumerate them. Indeed, mankind is [generally] most unjust and ungrateful." [14:34]
2. From Surah Nahl: "And if you should count the favors of Allah , you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." [16:18]

Just think of the basics that we consider necessities that not everyone has the luxury of: roof over our head, food on the table, clothes. I'll be the first to admit, that I, wait cross that...not just me, we are spoiled.

Even down to breathing, seeing, hearing walking, talking: most of us take it for granted because it's just a natural part of life to most. Those with issues pertaining to any of the above will tell you otherwise. It irks me to no end when in the public, you come across someone with a limb missing and people just stare. If anything, it should be yet another reminder for gratitude.

Note: I don't blog about religion very often, because I don't think I'm by any means qualified to do so, but this is a good place for me to express my thoughts- and thoughts alone... that's all they are. Other topics I've done in the past: Halal vs. Zabihah (Meat) and Organ Donation. Adoption is a topic that weighs heavily on my mind a lot, so perhaps I'll tackle my thoughts on that next.

How Did You Do It?

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How did you do it?

Over the last year, that is, by far, the number one question people have asked me.

If not ask that question, then bluntly say something to the sorts of "my goodness, you've lost SO much weight!"

Gee, really?! Thanks. I hadn't noticed.

Worst, by far: "how much weight did you lose"?

By the way, WHY isn't "how much weight have you lost" considered as bad as asking someone their weight? Pretty similar, don't you think? Actually, I don't know which one is worse. What exactly do you plan to do with that information? And if my answer is just simply "a lot" [each time you ask], here's a hint: I don't plan on telling you the numerical value. Just saying.

Why do people, females especially, want to be thin/skinny so badly? Why not healthy (or healthier at least)? And no, they aren't interchangeable.

Anyways, I am not sure how much is attributed to the year I've had, and how much is attributable to what I have done personally... but I'll leave you with some healthier tips that I have established for myself and have implemented regularly.

At the end of the day, it is truly about living a healthier lifestyle -- not weight loss. I honestly and firmly stand behind the fact that I haven't done anything this past year with the mindset to lose weight: the changes I have implemented are to be healthier overall. I have decided to make the best of a situation and be more positive in the things I can control [and learn to let go of things I can't].

Diets don't work. At least not for me. I've never tried, and don't plan on it. I don't think I know anyone who could honestly say that they were giving up something for good and it didn't bother them (or tempt them). If I decided I could no longer have something, I'd probably last five minutes. If that.

Honestly, the only thing I have given up is soda. And not for dieting purposes. Instead, again, it's for health purposes. At first, it wasn't even on purpose: it had been several months (two I think) when I realized I hadn't had any soda (or at least very little of it) and didn't even miss it/want it. I decided to see how long I could last without it, and it's been a long while. The last time I had even a sip of soda was early April 2012, but even for months before that it was sparse (I'd say November 2011 is when I stopped drinking soda as much). I don't miss it, crave it or anything like that. I would honestly much rather have water as my choice of beverage: whether at home, someone else's house, out for dinner, parties, etc.

What works is moderation. Eat what you want, but do portion control. Serving sizes are key.

That dessert you are eyeing and can't keep your mind off of? Take a bite. Nothing tastes as good as that first bite anyways.

At the same time, make sure you are eating enough is also key! If you asked my family or me, you'd probably be surprised to find out that I probably eat more [and more regularly] now than before.

Eat breakfast. I can't stress how much of a difference that makes. I was never a morning eater, because my stomach couldn't handle and/or didn't appreciate food so early. Well, just like everything else, you get used to it. I am not telling you to eat a huge meal by any means. But eat something. Anything. For me, a cereal bar goes a long way. Fruits are another great choice.

Ironically, skipping breakfast usually leads to over-eating for the rest of the day (and especially that first meal you do end up having that day).

Eat smaller, but more frequently, meals. And no, that doesn't mean have a dinner size meal throughout the day. It means space out your meals throughout the day, so you aren't eating too much at once and then going for hours without anything to eat in between.

Eat an early dinner. It's good for your digestive system, I've read, if you eat at least 3-4 hours before you sleep... or something like that. Basically, the point is to give yourself time to digest. Your stomach will thank you for it.

Choose healthier snacks. And meals for that matter. Healthy meals that are good for you don't have to be boring or taste bad. Make it fun.

Healthy snacks options: nuts, popcorn, fruits. Instead of chips (for which I can't even remember the last time I had any) and cookies, I "indulge" in popcorn. And chocolate (but more on that later). I also try to eat some fruit daily. In the form of pomegranates when I can find it in season, along with guavas occasionally. Otherwise, I like strawberries, blackberries, and watermelons as well. Apples and pears are also great and very filling.

Comparatively: one serving of Lays Classic Potato Chips, let's say, has 160 calories (one serving equals 15 chips). 3 cups of Herr's popcorn, which is what is listed as a serving size, has 150 calories. I'd say even just 2 cups of popcorn is a great portion to eat. I don't think anyone would be able to eat just 15 pieces of chips. Both have a lot of sodium, but calories wise, popcorn is the winner.

Healthy meal options: lean meats, and light salads are a great choice [rather than rice and red meat]. I have a few recipes as suggestions that I have shared on my blog earlier: tilapia, baked shrimp (or sauteed), grilled chicken pita pockets. Eating healthier by no means should make you feel like you are giving up something. I've always preferred lean and boneless chicken, in fact, and probably consume red meat just a hand full of times in a year [if even that].

Another thing: grilled over fried. I've always loved grilled food (and lighter food in general), but I also loved my share of fried food. Nowadays, I tend to stay away from fried, greasy, food. Again, not because of any diet, but because of the healthier lifestyle factor. Again, I haven't given up fried food -- I just limit it (to french fries, for the most part, alongside a meal when I go out to eat). Moderation. Am I never going to have fried food again? I wouldn't last. Am I going to make it a habit? Absolutely not.

Along the same lines, I choose non-stick spray over oil and/or butter. I am not saying that the non-stick sprays are "healthy", just that they are a better choice. I've even read to use chicken broth instead of oil and butter, but haven't implemented that myself so can't say much about that.

Previously, my issue always had been no breakfast, snacking all day, and then not eating proper meals. I have learned to use that to my advantage now by making healthier choices and spacing them apart throughout the day. Now, I make a conscious effort to eat the cereal bar for breakfast soon after I wake up. I also eat dinner at 5 PM. I try not to eat anything (heavy) after that. For a long while, I had nothing after dinner at 5 PM. But I've made a conscious effort to start drinking [chocolate] milk lately so I usually have that about an hour after dinner. Sometimes, rarely though, I'll have fruits around 7 or 8.

Stop mindless eating. Eat when you are hungry. As in don't grab a bag of chips and eat in front of the television. Take a portion size/serving size out in a bowl and eat from that. This way, you know how much you are eating.

Does this mean I eat healthy all the time? Are you kidding me?! I have chocolate pretty much EVERY day. When I said I couldn't give up anything, I meant it.

MOVE! I am sure exercising regularly goes a long way, but I am writing here about what I did/am doing. And exercise sure isn't one of them.

I don't know about you, but I am not a gym person and couldn't exercise regularly if my life depended on it. What works for me: walking. Especially after eating, I like to take a walk. Walk in the morning, during your lunch break, or at night... or walk inside your own home, if that is what it comes down to, which I what do mostly everyday.

Drink water. Lots of it. The recommended 8 glasses of water per day? Drink that. At the very least! I always (and I mean ALWAYS) have a bottle of water with me. It's my go-to beverage choice at all times. Nothing quenches your thirst like water anyways.

To each their own, of course. Everyone is different, and thus there bodies are different. What worked for me, may not work so well for you.

As an opposite example, for most people the first thing they would need to control is how much rice and bread and things like that they consume. I am not a fan of rice, and probably have a few bites of it a few times a year (if that!)

"How did you do it?": I am not sure if there is a magical answer or shortcuts people are looking for when they ask me that... because there is none.

Anyways, this is a long post, but it's a compilation of what is working for me. At the end of the day, it really is a lifestyle change that makes a difference. I didn't wake up one day with the mind-sight to lose weight, although it's been an added benefit, I suppose? It's not about what you do and don't do just for now to see a difference. It really is about the long run. Otherwise, you'll end up yo-yo dieting for the rest of your life. It's making better choices for yourself and your health, not just simply for the number on the scale.

This healthier lifestyle? I don't let things get in the way of that for the most part. Which means I plan ahead if I will be away from home or other things may interfere. Setting a schedule, and following through with it regularly, is key.

I'd love to hear your tips and recommendations as well.

Everything Happens for a Reason

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Everything happens for a reason. I've always been a big believer in those words.

I remember even back in high school having a stubborn debate with a good friend of mine over fate and free will where neither of us were willing to budge from our respective points of views.

Personally, if this last year isn't a validation for me that everything really does happen for a reason, then I don't know what it would take.

I just didn't realize that I was already on this train of thought over two years ago when things just weren't falling into place like they should have.

The amount of times I'm asked why I didn't end up going to law school like I had planned for so long or "do I still want to" is ridiculous. At first, it annoyed me. Now, it saddens me.

Because it has been a dream of mine for oh so long.

Or as if like a light switch, I decided one night that it wasn't an aspiration of mine anymore. If things went my way, of course I'd like to be studying law now and be a lawyer in the near future.

Life just doesn't work that way though.

Yes, I have wallowed about it many times over. Who wouldn't over an ambition they worked towards for so long?

It wasn't until a couple of months ago though, while thinking over this past year, that it clicked for me.

I was assured that yes, things really do happen for a reason.

That law school didn't work out at this given time for a reason. That He knows and plans all.

This past year has been a challenge in ways more than I can explain. But it has reassured me that if I had started law school when I had planned/wanted, it wouldn't have been possible for me to continue.

And while I can't even fathom the fact, I'm sure that it would have been even more devastating to discontinue midway.

But He knew better. I just didn't.

Is it still a dream of mine? Yes. Is it meant to happen? Only time will tell.

A House Turned Home

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Alhumduillah, two LONG years after we first saw this house... we closed on our new home today!

After seeing many (and i mean MANY - like well over a hundred), we stumbled across a great house two years ago. The house was probably the first one that we all sort of liked... and more importantly it was a house that would work for us!!

It seemed to good to be true, and was proven rightfully so when we found out it was a short sale (hence the two year wait). Many times it seemed like it wouldn't work out and, that we were wasting our time, that it wasn't meant to be... but alas! 

The house needs a lot of work, so we aren't moving just yet - but just the thought of packing (and even worse -- unpacking) is making me exhausted.

Inshallah, there will be many great memories in this new house for us.


P.S. Don't forget to leave me a comment below on your thoughts! As always, I'd love to hear from you.

Changes

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Faraz,

You and I both know how much I hate changes.. and there have been a lot of them lately. The biggest of them yet is you moving to Canada. Its so weird to think that you'll be in a different country and even weirder to think that we'll only see you a couple of times a year for a while.

Sometimes its hard to realize that we are in our 20s, and not little kids anymore. Just the other day I was thinking about the things we did as kids - like building a tent in our living room with the dining chairs and a lot of blankets and comforters. We would play for hours underneath there and even eat snacks in my play kitchen-ware. It's the little things that become memorable as you look back. I wish time would slow down sometimes, but it seems to be going by faster and faster instead.

You sure can drive me crazy A LOT of times, but we're going to miss having you around all the time. You know moving away back to Canada for this new job and all means you will have to grow up and act your age, right? :)

Things have always come so easily for you, or so it seems. Whether its winning things off of twitter many times over or leisure reading as the rest of us prepare rigorously for exams, you've taken everything in stride.

Never doubt your abilities, but don't become over-confident either. Best wishes as you start this new job! I know this is just the beginning of a lot of great things to come your way.

Love you always,

When Life Throws You Lemons...

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Have you ever gotten the feeling that you were meant to do something? Well, I keep get the feeling that I wasn't meant to be a lawyer. And that's quite unfortunate because it is something I have wanted and ASPIRED to become since I was in the eighth grade.

It's funny how we plan for something, and something totally different happens. Or we are so sure of something, but God has something else in store for us. I've noticed that happening so many times on a much smaller scale than this. Or we try our hardest, and sometimes that still isn't good enough. Because the truth is, sometimes our hardest efforts aren't enough. But that's life.

I'm not saying hard work doesn't pay off, but it may be in a different form than we anticipate or want.

So many little things have happened along the way that have gone against me leaning in the direction of law school. I do believe everything happens for a reason.

Like seriously the ONLY time ever I don't want a snow storm, we will probably end up getting one. The snow hasn't started yet, but earlier this afternoon my LSATs for tomorrow were cancelled because of the impending snow storm.

Virginia is supposed to get hit with around 30 inches (and they already had 7+ inches about an hour ago)! While we are only supposed to get 8 - 14 inches, I'm not even sure how likely that is to happen considering it hasn't even started yet. I have a feeling the storm will just bypass our area.... which would be a bummer not only because I LOVE snow, but because after all the studying and prepping for the LSATs in the last few weeks, they are cancelled! I have devoted so much time to it, which is very hard with being a full time student and working as well (which is another thing considering I picked February over last December to retake the exam thinking about how hard it would be will school and exams). I'm supposed to be notified in about a week about my options so we'll see what happens. At this point, I just want them over with. All I am saying is, we better get a real snow storm.

If they were just isolated instances, I would for sure overlook them... but all I know is I need to do some serious thinking and evaluate my options. But then again, nothing worth having ever comes easy.

No matter what happens, at least I know I tried my best. And that's really all I can ask of myself.

Earlier, in haste and frustration, I was telling my mom that I feel like I wasted the past eight years of my life working towards my aspiration. But now, after a few hours to 'calm down', I'll take it as another life lesson.

Update (11:03 PM): I should have apparently written this earlier because it just started snowing.

P.S. Don't forget to leave me a comment below on your thoughts! As always, I'd love to hear from you.